Something has to give. There are days that I want to wring my neck. There are days thaty I make mistakes and I hate it. I love my job at times but other times I want to wring people’s necks. I hate when I mistakes but please do not make me feel bad when I do. I already feel bad as it is when I make a mistake.

One thing I need is positivity to my life. I do not need people that are negative. I may dream but I have goals set that I can do something but the negative people does not help for my success.

I know I can do it, but it takes time to get to where I want to be. What the most important thing to me is being happy. Nobody is going to block me from success.

The simple fact is I know what I want to a point. I know that its important to me to finish college and its also important to be on my own. I lost my mother over a year ago and its more important to me even more to be on my own. I don’t want to live to long with my Aunt and Uncle to long. I love them, but I do not want to be in the same situation I was with my mom. I have to be able to be on my own, but the downside is that I am not making enough money to do so.

I ask everyone to see if they can help me find scholarships for college. I am not asking you for your opinion on what I should be doing. I know what I need to do. Some of the tips I have seen about finding scholarships is in fact trying to get help from other people on finding scholarships.

I have always had a job and going to school at the same time and that is not going to change any time soon.

I am at a disadvantage when it comes to scholarships I believe. I am not disabled enough to qualify for the ones that require a disability. I am in what I feel is a grey area. I am right in between what is considered disabled and not being disabled. Not everyone understands this all. I am blind in one eye and have always have been. My good eye does all the work.

The one thing that is important is me is making enough money so I can live on my own. Right now that is not possible. That is why its so important to me to finish college so that I can have a chance at getting a better paying job. I am also trying to sell things on the side that I make without success. Sometimes it takes money to make money but I am also doing something I am enjoying and learning to do.

Right now the criteria I have for selling items is items that I could use if the items don’t sell. Its an important critera to me. It won’t feel like I am loosing money if its something I could honestly use.

Right now I make hair scrunchies. They are not perfect, but I try to fix those inperfections as much as possible. As I improve and increase my techniques and equipment, those flaws may get less noticable or not noticable at all. Still, the product is good. They are cheaper than what it would cost to buy them at a store typically. The reason why I started making them is that it seemed the quality of the scrunchies was not that good. That is based off of the materials they were using. It did not seem like the fabric was very good. Right now, I am using cotton but as I find other materials I like, that would be changing. I would be using what I currently use in addition to the new materials I like.

I know these are low priced items, but I do have another set of item ideas I like to do, but I need a better sewing machine. The one I currently have is a mini one so it does not do the work I really need it to do. Its a good starter to learn to sew but not something good for long term. I basically need to serger and sewing machine. I already have been looking for them and I already figured out what I want.

If I can get this upcoming project to be a reality, I will be using the same type of materials that I use for the scrunchies.

Nothing is a guarantee, but my hope is to make money off of making these type of things. I am sure over time and as I learn better techniques, the quality of the products I make will improve. Having better equipment helps but it only goes so far. I have to keep learning and improving.

If I can make money doing this, this would help me make a living and I would be doing something I love.

One thing I am trying to do is try to sell items online. The one thing that if I am going to make a product, it has to be a product that I can use if it does not sell. Right now I have been trying to sell scrunchies without success but something has to give. Something has to make me money but it has to be something I believe in.

I have looked into droppshipping, but I do not want it to be full blown dropshipping. I want to be able to inspect the item before I ship it out and then repackage the item so that it is better package. I just want to make sure its not broken before I send the item out. I would like to be able to add value to the drop shipped items when possible.

If I could get a successful online business and make enough money, I could branch out to have stores that are not online. At least that is my hope.

I am still looking at some ideas on what I can make to sell items so I can make some money online.

The one goal I have always wanted is to make a decent living. I do not like the idea of living paycheck to paycheck but make more than that. All my life I know what its like to not have much money. I want to live comfortably but live under my means so that I can save up money. My goal would be to make 100k – 200k or more per year.

I don’t need much but be able to spend money on things I need plus be able to pay on bills without having to worry about not having money. When you do not have much money, it can be hard to pay on bills.

There is a catch 22 when it comes to minimum wage increase and the cost of living. There is no catching up. When minimum wave increases, the cost of living increases. If only they kept the cost of living alone.

I have been thinking about this the last couple days at least. As we grow up and even as we go through early adult hood we make mistakes. Do I regret some of my past mistakes? Yes but I also see it as a blessing. If I did not do those mistakes when I was younger, I would be doing those mistakes now. I had to learn from those mistakes. Nobody can tell you not to make those mistakes. What works for one person does not work for another.

The simple fact is, is I am learning who I am now since my mother passed away this past August. I loved my mom, but she did not always teach me the right things growing up. Some of the problems I do have is because of her.

I never had a lot growing up, but I did the best under the circumstances.

I thing I know is that my mother was never good with money. Yeah I know we did not have a lot of money coming in, but still.

I remember when I first got a credit card years ago that my mother told me to just pay the minimum. Even then, I knew that was wrong. I would never get out of debt if I listened to her. At the start I was good but eventually I ran into problems. Right now I do not have any credit cards but I am working toward that again. What I learned when I was younger is what I won’t do this time. I will be the way I was years ago when I was responsible with credit cards. I swore I would never get them again, but now it is my goal as I want to improve my credit score. I fixed the damage my mother caused to my credit so why not go farther and bring it up farther. I still have student loans, but that will come in time.

Nobody knew what it was like living with my mother. She was way over protective and not let me live the life I wanted. I have always wanted more to my life. For one, I do not want to be struggling like she was and I am hoping that after I get a college degree, I will be able to get a better job. At least hopefully be able to open more job opportunities for myself.

What many people do not know is that I always am looking and planning for the future. I like to have plenty of money saved up so if something happens I have money to live on but also I would not be behind and struggling for money. If I could save up enough for many years, I would not have to struggle as much and I could live comfortably.

All my life, nothing has been easy.  I know most people struggle at one point or another.All my life, I had known that I was a surprise.  I was not expected which was not a bad thing.  What I do know is that the year I was born, was the year that my mother had half a lung removed.  She did not know she was going to have me and on top of it all, I was born a month early.  I was supposed to be born around my grandfather’s birthday, but I was born 6 days before my grandmother’s birthday. So I was a premmie.  With that, I did have some problems.  To be honest, I was better off than some.  Some have more problems than I did.  The only real problem was that I had cataracts and that was not found out until I was 3 years old.  That was removed of course.  The good part about that though is that I don’t have to worry about getting it when I am older.  One thing that was not caught in time and who knows if it could have been fixed anyways is that I am blind in one of my eyes.  Vision loss may not be the same in everyone.  I have some vision in that know but nothing sustancial.  I do not have full vision in that eye.  That side can only see part of an image.

Technology has come a long way, but if there was something to help me see out of that eye, I do not know if I would.  It would be different if I was a little kid, but I feel that it could do more harm than good.

Simple fact, I am used to the way I am.  What if it causes more harm than good.  I am used to seeing out of one eye and what if my brain can’t adapt to the change?

A lot of times, I have a hard time admiting that I am disabled.  I am really in that middle ground of an area.  I am disable, but I am not. What I do know is that I have to be careful on what I do.

I have always struggled with school, but I do like to learn. I just have a hard time with science and math. To me, education is important. I believe that it could be a path to something better. That is why hopefully in the fall, I will be back in college I may struggle in school but its doable. I have to do what it takes to be successful. I went to college before and I want to finish what I started many years ago. I know I can do it and I will only have two semester and I will have my degree. When I was not that far away, I think it would be best to finish and hopefully I will be able to find a job after that.