The one goal I have always wanted is to make a decent living. I do not like the idea of living paycheck to paycheck but make more than that. All my life I know what its like to not have much money. I want to live comfortably but live under my means so that I can save up money. My goal would be to make 100k – 200k or more per year.

I don’t need much but be able to spend money on things I need plus be able to pay on bills without having to worry about not having money. When you do not have much money, it can be hard to pay on bills.

There is a catch 22 when it comes to minimum wage increase and the cost of living. There is no catching up. When minimum wave increases, the cost of living increases. If only they kept the cost of living alone.

I have been thinking about this the last couple days at least. As we grow up and even as we go through early adult hood we make mistakes. Do I regret some of my past mistakes? Yes but I also see it as a blessing. If I did not do those mistakes when I was younger, I would be doing those mistakes now. I had to learn from those mistakes. Nobody can tell you not to make those mistakes. What works for one person does not work for another.

The simple fact is, is I am learning who I am now since my mother passed away this past August. I loved my mom, but she did not always teach me the right things growing up. Some of the problems I do have is because of her.

I never had a lot growing up, but I did the best under the circumstances.

I thing I know is that my mother was never good with money. Yeah I know we did not have a lot of money coming in, but still.

I remember when I first got a credit card years ago that my mother told me to just pay the minimum. Even then, I knew that was wrong. I would never get out of debt if I listened to her. At the start I was good but eventually I ran into problems. Right now I do not have any credit cards but I am working toward that again. What I learned when I was younger is what I won’t do this time. I will be the way I was years ago when I was responsible with credit cards. I swore I would never get them again, but now it is my goal as I want to improve my credit score. I fixed the damage my mother caused to my credit so why not go farther and bring it up farther. I still have student loans, but that will come in time.

Nobody knew what it was like living with my mother. She was way over protective and not let me live the life I wanted. I have always wanted more to my life. For one, I do not want to be struggling like she was and I am hoping that after I get a college degree, I will be able to get a better job. At least hopefully be able to open more job opportunities for myself.

What many people do not know is that I always am looking and planning for the future. I like to have plenty of money saved up so if something happens I have money to live on but also I would not be behind and struggling for money. If I could save up enough for many years, I would not have to struggle as much and I could live comfortably.

All my life, nothing has been easy.  I know most people struggle at one point or another.All my life, I had known that I was a surprise.  I was not expected which was not a bad thing.  What I do know is that the year I was born, was the year that my mother had half a lung removed.  She did not know she was going to have me and on top of it all, I was born a month early.  I was supposed to be born around my grandfather’s birthday, but I was born 6 days before my grandmother’s birthday. So I was a premmie.  With that, I did have some problems.  To be honest, I was better off than some.  Some have more problems than I did.  The only real problem was that I had cataracts and that was not found out until I was 3 years old.  That was removed of course.  The good part about that though is that I don’t have to worry about getting it when I am older.  One thing that was not caught in time and who knows if it could have been fixed anyways is that I am blind in one of my eyes.  Vision loss may not be the same in everyone.  I have some vision in that know but nothing sustancial.  I do not have full vision in that eye.  That side can only see part of an image.

Technology has come a long way, but if there was something to help me see out of that eye, I do not know if I would.  It would be different if I was a little kid, but I feel that it could do more harm than good.

Simple fact, I am used to the way I am.  What if it causes more harm than good.  I am used to seeing out of one eye and what if my brain can’t adapt to the change?

A lot of times, I have a hard time admiting that I am disabled.  I am really in that middle ground of an area.  I am disable, but I am not. What I do know is that I have to be careful on what I do.

I have always struggled with school, but I do like to learn. I just have a hard time with science and math. To me, education is important. I believe that it could be a path to something better. That is why hopefully in the fall, I will be back in college I may struggle in school but its doable. I have to do what it takes to be successful. I went to college before and I want to finish what I started many years ago. I know I can do it and I will only have two semester and I will have my degree. When I was not that far away, I think it would be best to finish and hopefully I will be able to find a job after that.

On August 23rd, one of the scariest things could happen, happened.  I found my mother not breathing on the floor.  Only seconds earlier, he was yelling at Cookie to leave her alone.  she did not fall down, but just laid down on her own just like she normally did when she was not feeling well.  My instincts kicked in because usually as soon as she lays down, he settles down.  This time he did not.  I called her and no response.  I had to put him away into his bed and call the ambulance for her and that was within seconds.  I could not turn her so I had to wait for the ambulance.  I tried and even if I could, who knows if that would have made a difference.  She has not regained conciousness and with that I have to make the hardest choice of having to take her off the vent last week.

The thing is, my mother has always been overprotective.  Because of that I have to figure everything out.  The thing is, I have always been different than my mother.  I have always had the belief of planning ahead.