• General

    Bring Back the Old Melissa

    Okay so I have not posted here in a while but here goes. I have decided to bring back the old me to an extent. As an adult, I have neglected what I loved as a kid.

    As a kid, I loved reading and I still do. I have a kindle fire and read when I am waiting for someone. Slowing I will be buying books on that format. I like the digital format as it takes a lot less room than books.

    About 8th grade, I had started playing the clarinet. I am going to have it taken a look at so that hopefully I can start playing again.

    I am also looking into the possibility to learn flute and piccolo if at all possible. I always wanted to learn the flute but it was not available when I got my clarinet. I want to change that. I am thinking of possibly getting a cheap versions of each just to learn on until I am ready to upgrade to a good version. I want to get to know if I would like playing them before I commit to a more expensive instrument.

    I also want to get a full sized keyboard. Once you know one instrument, its usually not to hard to learn another 🙂

    The thing is I want to play an instrument just for fun 🙂

    I think I need that in my life more than anything. I like to do things that are going to make me happy.

  • Ranting


    You know it seems like I can’t go more than 4 years with a job. The thing is, I never feel appreciated which is why I never stay any longer than that. When I start getting unhappy with the job, I know its time to move on.

    I had a job review the other day and I don’t feel its accurate at all. I should not have even signed it and said this is not accurate because I know its not accurate. I am very good with the customers and give the best customer service I can. I even have customers that specifically look for me. I know that because they tell me. These are the reasons that people do not stay. To me, I feel it was very bias and does not reflect what I do. Also, I see there is no room for promotions and I feel they will always promote someone else over me.

    I know more than anything, I have to get my business off the ground which is something I have been working on. Its getting there, but its a slow process.

    I know that I will not be able to do this job much longer due to injuries I have managed to get due to wear and tear on my body due to this job which is another reason I need to get my business of the ground. I know I have a good idea and sometimes it takes a while to get the regular business. It has slowly started picking up. Just not regular but I hope eventually.

    I know I will be happier once I can get it off the ground. I like the idea of being my own boss 🙂

  • General

    Not Giving Up

    One thing I am not going to do is give up. It may take a while but eventually things will work out. At least I hope. I try different things and see what works. I know with my job, I am never going to make enough money which is why I am trying as hard as I am to make money with crafting. I am seeing things from a long term perspective. There is going to be a time that I will not be able to do my current job so I want something that I can in fact do. I already have elbow and hand pain because of this job.

    I may do things at a slower pace, but I do thing not half ass. I do things with quality and quantity in mind. When it comes to my side business, I like the idea of having stock and mind you per item there is not a lot of stock. I want to have the stuff on hand so that its easier to ship everything out without much delay. I have had it happen where I did not have the item available and had to scramble to get the supplies needed to make the item.

    When it comes to my job, I do not always feel appreciated. There are times that I have to fight to be heard. I should not have to. I am capable of a lot more than anything can understand. I feel like there is no room for advancement for me. I may be quiet and shy at times, but I am capable of doing what is asked of me.

    I am not giving up on my business idea as I like the idea of being the Boss which is never going to happen with my job. I know how to delegate when needed. Some things if I want done right, I do it myself. Delegate is something I learned as gamer and being an officer in a guild. I know how to be a leader and know how to do it well.

    I also know I am good at teaching people things as long as I am prepared 🙂

  • Business,  General

    Why Run My Own Business

    I run a business called Sparkaltime. Its a handmade business that I feel that could turn into something. I feel its important to run my own business as I feel that my current is only going to make only so much money. Though I get sales off and on. My hope is to get regular sales and eventually have to open up at least a warehouse. Maybe a storefront but it depends. Which means I would have to hire employees which is what I need to keep the business going. My hope in time is to give out livable wages and benefits to my employees.

    I don’t want my business to be fully ran out of my residents. Though I will still be making items from my house, but those items would have to make it to the warehouse at least. That is where all of the online orders will be coming from.

    I want to have employees that pick and package the orders. I also want to have people who can make the handmade items so that if for some reason I am sick and unable to make items, items will be still made for the business. Then finally customer service so that if there are issues they can take care of it.

    I feel that it is very important to be running my own business but have people who can help me when the time is right.

    I believe on putting my heart and soul into every product I make. My hope is when I get employees helping to make the items that they will do the same.

    Right now the one barrier I have is getting sales. My items may not be perfect, but they are handmade by me.

    If interested in buying from my handmade business go to Sparkaltime.

  • General

    What’s Going On?

    I know I have not posted on here for quite some time. I can’t guarantee I will post here all the time, but when things comes up.

    This month has not been a great month so that means my birthday has not been so great this year.

    It all started with my Asthma to where I can’t stop wheezing and feeling like I am not getting enough air. I have been in the hospital and have gone through multiple er visits. Let me put it this way, I do not like going to the ER unless I have to.

    Even though I have Medicaid, I still like to use ER sparingly. My hope is to eventually be able to get insurance on my own or through work if at all possible. I do not want to be on assistance forever. I was very resistant in the first place. I know it would have been far worse if I didn’t have Medicaid in the first place.

    So getting back on track here. So basically I having wheezing problems that are not going away. So I keep wheezing and feeling like I am not getting enough air. My doctor has diagnosed it as Stridor so its not a normal wheeze in the first place. This has been the longest I have ever wheeze and its wearing me out. I can’t stand this feeling. When I am breathing out, it feels I can’t expand enough.

    The last time I went to the ER, the ER doctor said that I was making it up which I am not. All of the tests that I have had so far does not show anything wrong but something has to be wrong. I would not be feeling like this otherwise. Something has to give and I can’t live like this.

    My mind has gone in may direction as to what could be wrong. I just hope its not serious and if it is serious I hope they find it in time and they could fix it. I am not going to go down without a fight. At least my doctor is trying unlike the ER docs.

    It is so disconcerting that I am wheezing like this and its a scary feeling this way.

  • General,  Ranting


    Let me say this. I know what I want but its frustrating. In one way I am getting my life in order but in another I have not. These days I have a job, but it does not make enough to be able to afford my place on my own. My goal has been to get my own apartment but the problem is I do not make enough money for an apartment. Not even a cheap apartment. Some people say to get a roommate, but I do not want to do that. I want to do this all by myself and not have to worry about roommates. Not everyone can get along with a roommate or a roommate is incompatible with each other. Even if you are friends, you do not always get along as roommates. I rather by on my own.

    I do not want to find any place. I do not want to live like my mother struggling paying for the bills. I want to always be a step ahead. I know what I want but I need to plan ahead. I know Chicago may be the best place for me due to not being able to drive. I did the calculations and it could come out even between living in the suburbs vs living in chicago.

    Nothing is cheap but something has to give. I am trying what I can to make more money as much as possible.

  • General


    I have been frustrated. I have been having an earache that will not go away. I have been on antibiotics, eardrops and even nasal sprays and nothing has helped. As long as I could remember, I have never had ear problems. Its frustrating.

    For a long time, I was resistant to being on assistance but for the time being I need to be. I hope to eventually get off of it. Its helpful to a point. Medicaid is good but also bad at the same time. Its better than not having any insurance though. The thing about about medicaid is that its annoying and its limiting when it comes to finding a dr. Depending on the insurance I am sure, but it seems like it may not be entirely accurate all the time. As soon as I can I hope to get off of it if I can get regular insurance. Regular insurance is costly though but it is a goal and its a goal to get off of assistance.

    I have a feeling that I am going to have to be referred to a specialist and I have a feeling I am going to have a hard time finding one because of the limitations of medicaid. Some people may think you get the same quality of care, but I do not think so. You do not have the choices of drs like you would have with regular insurance and you are typically limited to your own state when it comes to Drs. That becomes a problem for the people who live so close to the next state. You do not have the choices that you should have and be able to pick the ones that would fit your needs.

    I am frustrated that I am in pain with my ear. It will not unplug no matter what I do and its annoying.

  • General

    The Past Year or So

    I lost my mother in August of 2018 unexpectedly. In August that will be 3 years since she passed. I will never know exactly what caused her to stop breathing. I am not sure if I really would like to know what caused her to stop breathing. Nobody should ever have to go through what I went through.

    There is a silver lining though. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my mother but I felt she had held me back a bit. I was not working when I came home from college and she did not help me. I was looking for a job even before she had passed away. It took some months but I finally found a job. Its not exactly what I wanted but at least it is a job. If my mother was still alive, I would probably still being at home stuck in a rut and not working. I am in a rut but in a different way, but I am working to get on my feet which is not easy.

    I am thankful that I have my aunt and uncle, but I do want to have my own place. More than anything I would like to get around without having to ask people to help me get places. I live in an area that is really hard to get to places. My hope is to move to where I can get around, but the problem is right now is that I do not make enough money to be able to afford to live on my own. My hope is to move to Chicago or some other town that I can get around.

    If my mother was still around, I do not know how she would have handled the COVID-19. Its serious but I am not going to let it worry me either as stress can cause issues. If my mother was still around, I probably would have been freaking out. I have been calm throughout this whole thing.

    This past October, I had a scare. I had a mammogram and it did not come out normal. I actually had 2 plus an ultrasound. I had a lump that was suspicious. Originally I was supposed to get a needle biopsy but it ended up being referred to a surgeon which said that it would be better to get the lump removed instead. So they were able to remove and biopsy the lump. I was a nervous wreck leading up to it and I did not have much time to plan for it. I was in the office Tuesday and had the surgery Friday. The last time I had any surgery was when I was 3 years old when I had cataract Surgery.

    I am thankful though that the biopsy came out normal though. It could have gone either way. I know I am lucky. I know that if I had not gone this route, I would always worry that they would have missed if its cancer. I rather be safe than sorry.

    Being off from work was torture. Besides not making money, my uncle drove me nuts.

    I keep trying to find ways to make extra money. So far it has not panned out, but the items I am selling or buying, are items that I can use so its not a total loss. I am going to keep trying until something works. I have to take a chance. If I don’t, I won’t ever know. I just want more to my life. I want to be able to live on my own and be able to survive. Biggest issue I will always have is having a hard time getting places due to the fact I am blind in one eye. Yes there are people who are blind in one eye who can drive, but each person is different. Not everyone has cataracts at a young ago in addition to being blind in one eye.

    I want to finish college, but that is not going to happen right now as much as I like it to be. My side projects have to be making me money in order for me to finish college. Its killing me to to pay for college on a part time job. I am not making enough and that money could be used for something else. Do I want to finish college? Yes but it does not seem to happen right now until I can make enough money. I can’t qualify for loans and financial aid anymore. I have enough credits that I should have finished already, but there are some classes I still need to finish. No matter if I go to NIU or SIU, it would take a year to finish if I go full time. The other issue of not being able to finish at this time, is living with my aunt and uncles its to hard to study. Its not fair for me to have to study late at night when everyone is asleep especially when I need to be up early the next morning. Once I get my own place then I can go back. When it comes to studying, I need quiet especially for classes that I am having a hard time with. I need to concentrate and I can’t get that here. Its not my aunt, but my uncle that is the issue.

    Last year around the time, I had surgery, I was having issues with my elbow and being in pain. This year, I was finally able to get it taken care of it. I have been going for physical therapy for it. Its gotten better but I am still in pain, but its still not 100% and I am not sure if it ever will be.

  • General


    Ever since I starting running a website, I have always had adsense on them. I started moving my website around. Though you may not notice it but I have moved it around. Its in a new subdomain of the website which is not part of the main site at the moment.

    When I migrated I decided to get away from adsense. I have my own products I am trying to sell though which I would like to be dependent on to make money which should be a win win situation for everyone who comes to my site. It will be your choice if you decide to order from me, but you do not have to deal with ads when you come to this site.

  • Ranting

    Feeling Under Appreciated

    I am not going to go into specifics here. There are days that I feel underappreciated.

    I loved my mother, but she treated me like I was disabled. I am not. Well I am in between. I am blind in one eye and there is nothing that I can do about it. I do not drive because of that. I think its the worse thing a parent can do regardless of if your child has a disability or not. I do not know what it is like as a parent, but I know what its like on the receiving end of it all.

    The reason why I say I am in between is that I am not disabled enough to be considered disabled, but it does prevent me from doing other things like driving a car. Each person is different. Some people who can only see out of one eye can drive and others cannot. I am the one who cannot. It all depends on the situation.

    Why am I talking about this? Because there are times I feel underappreciated. I feel I am overlooked because I am blind in one eye. It does not mean I cannot do something because of it. It just means that I do things differently.

    I can play online video games and I can kick ass. I know I have a big head when it comes to that but I can kick ass. In almost any game I play, I found and have enjoyed PVP. It may seem funny but I am good and I have frustrated people because of it. Its so funny. My point is just because I am blind in one eye does not mean I do not excel at anything. When it comes to online gaming and PVP means I have fast reflexes and I can react fast if need be. Because of that, I can do the same thing in real life. I know its different but its not.

    That is just one example of what I can do. Because of my limitations its really hard to find a job because I am limited to where I can go. I am thinking I need to go where I can get around without needing a car. Its a matter of finding that right job and making enough to support myself. What I am doing right now is not supporting me enough to get my own place and I need it for my own sanity.

    I am not slow and I can learn anything if I put my mind to it and I am willing to learn. The area that I can catch on fast with is technology. I have always been like that I also like being creative 🙂