Okay so I have not posted here in a while but here goes. I have decided to bring back the old me to an extent. As an adult, I have neglected what I loved as a kid.

As a kid, I loved reading and I still do. I have a kindle fire and read when I am waiting for someone. Slowing I will be buying books on that format. I like the digital format as it takes a lot less room than books.

About 8th grade, I had started playing the clarinet. I am going to have it taken a look at so that hopefully I can start playing again.

I am also looking into the possibility to learn flute and piccolo if at all possible. I always wanted to learn the flute but it was not available when I got my clarinet. I want to change that. I am thinking of possibly getting a cheap versions of each just to learn on until I am ready to upgrade to a good version. I want to get to know if I would like playing them before I commit to a more expensive instrument.

I also want to get a full sized keyboard. Once you know one instrument, its usually not to hard to learn another 🙂

The thing is I want to play an instrument just for fun 🙂

I think I need that in my life more than anything. I like to do things that are going to make me happy.

One thing I am not going to do is give up. It may take a while but eventually things will work out. At least I hope. I try different things and see what works. I know with my job, I am never going to make enough money which is why I am trying as hard as I am to make money with crafting. I am seeing things from a long term perspective. There is going to be a time that I will not be able to do my current job so I want something that I can in fact do. I already have elbow and hand pain because of this job.

I may do things at a slower pace, but I do thing not half ass. I do things with quality and quantity in mind. When it comes to my side business, I like the idea of having stock and mind you per item there is not a lot of stock. I want to have the stuff on hand so that its easier to ship everything out without much delay. I have had it happen where I did not have the item available and had to scramble to get the supplies needed to make the item.

When it comes to my job, I do not always feel appreciated. There are times that I have to fight to be heard. I should not have to. I am capable of a lot more than anything can understand. I feel like there is no room for advancement for me. I may be quiet and shy at times, but I am capable of doing what is asked of me.

I am not giving up on my business idea as I like the idea of being the Boss which is never going to happen with my job. I know how to delegate when needed. Some things if I want done right, I do it myself. Delegate is something I learned as gamer and being an officer in a guild. I know how to be a leader and know how to do it well.

I also know I am good at teaching people things as long as I am prepared 🙂

I lost my mother in August of 2018 unexpectedly. In August that will be 3 years since she passed. I will never know exactly what caused her to stop breathing. I am not sure if I really would like to know what caused her to stop breathing. Nobody should ever have to go through what I went through.

There is a silver lining though. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my mother but I felt she had held me back a bit. I was not working when I came home from college and she did not help me. I was looking for a job even before she had passed away. It took some months but I finally found a job. Its not exactly what I wanted but at least it is a job. If my mother was still alive, I would probably still being at home stuck in a rut and not working. I am in a rut but in a different way, but I am working to get on my feet which is not easy.

I am thankful that I have my aunt and uncle, but I do want to have my own place. More than anything I would like to get around without having to ask people to help me get places. I live in an area that is really hard to get to places. My hope is to move to where I can get around, but the problem is right now is that I do not make enough money to be able to afford to live on my own. My hope is to move to Chicago or some other town that I can get around.

If my mother was still around, I do not know how she would have handled the COVID-19. Its serious but I am not going to let it worry me either as stress can cause issues. If my mother was still around, I probably would have been freaking out. I have been calm throughout this whole thing.

This past October, I had a scare. I had a mammogram and it did not come out normal. I actually had 2 plus an ultrasound. I had a lump that was suspicious. Originally I was supposed to get a needle biopsy but it ended up being referred to a surgeon which said that it would be better to get the lump removed instead. So they were able to remove and biopsy the lump. I was a nervous wreck leading up to it and I did not have much time to plan for it. I was in the office Tuesday and had the surgery Friday. The last time I had any surgery was when I was 3 years old when I had cataract Surgery.

I am thankful though that the biopsy came out normal though. It could have gone either way. I know I am lucky. I know that if I had not gone this route, I would always worry that they would have missed if its cancer. I rather be safe than sorry.

Being off from work was torture. Besides not making money, my uncle drove me nuts.

I keep trying to find ways to make extra money. So far it has not panned out, but the items I am selling or buying, are items that I can use so its not a total loss. I am going to keep trying until something works. I have to take a chance. If I don’t, I won’t ever know. I just want more to my life. I want to be able to live on my own and be able to survive. Biggest issue I will always have is having a hard time getting places due to the fact I am blind in one eye. Yes there are people who are blind in one eye who can drive, but each person is different. Not everyone has cataracts at a young ago in addition to being blind in one eye.

I want to finish college, but that is not going to happen right now as much as I like it to be. My side projects have to be making me money in order for me to finish college. Its killing me to to pay for college on a part time job. I am not making enough and that money could be used for something else. Do I want to finish college? Yes but it does not seem to happen right now until I can make enough money. I can’t qualify for loans and financial aid anymore. I have enough credits that I should have finished already, but there are some classes I still need to finish. No matter if I go to NIU or SIU, it would take a year to finish if I go full time. The other issue of not being able to finish at this time, is living with my aunt and uncles its to hard to study. Its not fair for me to have to study late at night when everyone is asleep especially when I need to be up early the next morning. Once I get my own place then I can go back. When it comes to studying, I need quiet especially for classes that I am having a hard time with. I need to concentrate and I can’t get that here. Its not my aunt, but my uncle that is the issue.

Last year around the time, I had surgery, I was having issues with my elbow and being in pain. This year, I was finally able to get it taken care of it. I have been going for physical therapy for it. Its gotten better but I am still in pain, but its still not 100% and I am not sure if it ever will be.

Ever since I starting running a website, I have always had adsense on them. I started moving my website around. Though you may not notice it but I have moved it around. Its in a new subdomain of the website which is not part of the main site at the moment.

When I migrated I decided to get away from adsense. I have my own products I am trying to sell though which I would like to be dependent on to make money which should be a win win situation for everyone who comes to my site. It will be your choice if you decide to order from me, but you do not have to deal with ads when you come to this site.