Most parents, want to let their kids to be on their own. In my case, that is not the case. My mother has not entirely let me go. Sometimes, I even feel that she is dependant on me. The thing is, I need that independance. If I don’t get that indepedence, I will be lost. In my 20s I did go away to college and to be honest I miss it because I was more independant than I am now. I went places when I wanted or needed to.
I did not finish college and it was not from a lack of trying. The two community colleges I went to was because of a district thing. I then transferred into SIU. I made some mistakes on my first semester and I ended up playing catch up and never could make up for that one bad semester. I learned one lesson from that and that was go with my instincts. Just because someone says its going to be easy, does not mean its going to be easy. Community college does not prepare you for a University that has lecture halls. Even though its been more than 10 years, I still remember it like yesterday. I may not remember things exactly as they happened, but I do remember that first semester I had a lot of hard classes. Math and Science is not my strong suit and I had both plus a computer science class. After that sememster, I was going to change my major but I could not until I get my GPA up so I have a whole lot of classes ready to be transferred into the program when I am able.
Currently, there is only two schools in Illinois that have the specific program I am interested. There is English programs, but not with an emphasis on creative writing. SIU and NIU are the only ones that I can see that have that specific program in Illinois.
Here is the thing. I want to go back and finish what I started. The only reason I had to leave was because I could not get financial aid and I had one class that last semester that I ended up with a D. Sometimes you just end up with a bad grade. It happens and I can’t blame anyone for that, but all the other classes I took that semester were C or better. I am just an average student that has to work extra hard to get good grades.
The thing is, if I can go back, I would do things differently. I would not go full time, but part time so that I can concentrate on my classes a little bit more. My goal would be to get my bachelors degree. If I can get a really good GPA, then I would think of going to Grad school. If not, I end with my bachelor’s degree. If I can go on to grad school, then my goal would be to teach college.
The thing is, I do miss those days and I would love to have my freedom back that I had back then.